For sure you already had to deal with an uncomfortable situation, something unexpected, unplanned, a situation that caught you by surprise. Maybe you are having to deal with one of those situations right now! Even though dealing with the unexpected is never really easy, there are some things we can learn from those “unpleasant” experiences. Throughout my life, I already had to deal with episodes in which the outcome did not go as planned, causing disappointment and a change of plans. Most recently, there was one that had caused me a great amount of stress, but also through which I have learned a great lesson.
When me and my husband decided to get married, he was already living in Japan for around seven years. And I was living in Brazil. Needless to say, our entire relationship before marriage was a long distance one. Right after he proposed, we started the process for me to get a visa; that way, right after the wedding ceremony, we would go on our honeymoon and, then, we would go together to Tokyo to start our new life as newlyweds. The plan was perfect! Everything was just fine! However, around three weeks before the ceremony, it became clear that the process of getting my visa would take longer than expected, and I would not be able to go to Tokyo right after our honeymoon.
Can you imagine what a disappointment it was? We would get married and go on our honeymoon; however, instead of starting our new life together, I would have to return to Brazil, while my husband would return to Japan, because our church in Tokyo was about to start. I was devastated! I honestly could not imagine how I would survive returning from our honeymoon by myself and going back to my parents’ house for an undefined period of time until the completion of the visa process. That was not how I planned to start off my marriage life! That was totally different from my dream! As much as I tried to set my mind back on track and focus on the fact that I was getting married to the man I loved, inside of me, I was frustrated, disappointed and anxious. My parents were very supporting; they gave me all the assistance I could ask for, but I had a whirlwind of emotions inside of me. I knew that my husband had to return to Japan after our honeymoon because of a good cause, but how would I be able to face that undefined period of time without him?
Talking to my fiance on the phone some days before the wedding, I was pouring my heart out about the situation, and, while he was sweet and understanding (after all, he was also frustrated with the situation), he also said something very honest to me: “Only you can work on that situation inside of you; only you can deal with those feelings and those thoughts inside of you”. At first, I confess that, at that moment, it sounded kind of brutal and heartless, but it was also very true.
The great day came! I got married! We went on our honeymoon. It was awesome! But I returned to my parents’ house by myself. And I have got to tell you that I cried during the whole flight back to Brazil, and the first week was very hard to handle. I knew I had God on my side and that, sooner or later, this situation would be solved, but there were just so many thoughts in my mind. There was the fear of never getting the authorization I needed; there were some self blaming thoughts, thinking that I should have postponed the wedding. There was the temptation of blaming my husband, because, maybe, if he had just been more efficient, I could have got the visa earlier. There was the embarrassment of having to return from the honeymoon without a husband. There was the uncertainty of how my marriage would survive the long distance. And, on top of that, there was also the uncertainty in relation to how much longer I would have to endure that waiting. Just too many thoughts and feelings!
However, my husband’s advice finally rang the bell inside of me. I had finally woken up! The situation was there! Was it good? Obviously not! But there was just nothing I could actually do about it – We had sent all the necessary documents and we would have to wait! However, I could do something about the way I was facing that moment. I could decide if that period would be really miserable or if I would take some advantage of that time. As my husband said, that was something that only I could decide. As much as my husband, my parents or my friends were supporting me, I was the only one who could make the decision of changing my feelings and thoughts. God could help me, but I needed to want that change first.
So I made that decision! Instead of spending my days just sleeping and crying, I would enjoy my time! I decided to read books and listen to preachings about faith. I decided to focus my mind on God. If I had the conviction that God was good and that He was with me, I would have the conviction that this waiting time would end soon. Psalms 23:6 says that, surely, the goodness and mercy of God would follow me throughout all my days. So, I had to build that strong conviction in my heart. When your mind is full of noise, caused by fear, anxiety and doubts, you cannot hear the directions of God. It is impossible to receive His peace when you are too full of thoughts; it is necessary to calm your mind down, in order to give space to God’s guidance. After eating too much, your stomach is too full to accept more food; the same way, after filling your mind with too much fear and doubt, your mind is too full to give space to God.
I know that disappointing moments are hard to face, but, during that challenging experience I have just described, I learned to control my thoughts and to exercise my conviction about the power of God. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you”. The more I meditated on His Word and on His character, the more I was able to allow Him to help me against that fear, anger and anxiety I was feeling. Surely, it is a continuous exercise, because, every day, your mind will want to lean on those agonizing feelings and thoughts, but God can also help you to face them every day.
After three months of continuous renewal of mind, I got my visa and I was ready to come to Tokyo and to live this new season of my life. I can say that I have learned a lot during that process: I have learned more about the grace of God; I have learned more about controlling my emotions; I have learned more about keeping my faith strong. Now, I know that I am much stronger to face challenges.
Waiting for my visa apart from my husband was unpleasant, and I am sure God did not cause that to happen, but, throughout the process, I was able to put God’s lenses on my eyes and see that it was just a season that would end. If you are facing a challenging moment right now, why don’t you give space inside of your heart to God come with His peace. I am sure that, if you decide to get out from this hole caused by fear and start to seek the help of God, He will teach you to look at things through His perspective, using His lenses. And, after the storm, you will be left with new tools to face disappointments.