Some months ago, I wrote about being a good wife. Today, we are going to talk a bit more about it, more precisely about the idea of being submissive to a husband. What does this kind of submission truly mean?
However, the biblical notion of submission centers on the idea of the wife being designed by God with the necessary spiritual equipment to assist the husband throughout their journey together. As I said previously, marriage is not man and woman living in the same house together, sharing expenses while living their independent lives. A relationship is commitment and partnership. It is two people sharing a life mission. The Bible says that, when a man and a woman decide to get married, “the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8). Therefore, when we think about submission, we should think about the idea of a team, in which there is a leader; he is the provider and he is inspired by God to make decisions and to point the directions for the well being of the family – that is the role of the husband. He is the head of the family, as Christ is the head of the Church.
His leadership should not be a bliind or carnal one, but inspired by God. Being the leader does not mean that the husband is superior to his wife in any way; opposite to this, both should be inspired by God to fulfill their roles and should seek the wisdom that comes from the Holy Spirit to cooperate as a team. Therefore, both are important and necessary to the Body of Christ. However, family was designed by God in an orderly manner because our God does not dwell among anarchy or confusion. God is a God of order and peace. Imagine: a body with two heads would be a total abomination; therefore, a family with two leaders, trying to make decisions, would lead to confusion. If, as a couple, both husband and wife try to lead in opposite directions, the family, as a body, will not move forward – as a matter of fact, it will not move at all!
In the Bible, in the book of Genesis, we see that, in face of the huge task of governing the entire creation and the Earth, it was necessary for Adam to have a suitable partner. Genesis 2:20 says that Adam gave names to all animals, but, among them, no suitable helper was found. Then, God caused him to fall into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs to make a woman for him. As soon as Adam saw her, he said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). That shows that both have the same nature! When man and woman are united as husband and wife, they are one flesh; they are united as one.
And, what does it mean to be a suitable wife? It means to be an apt and capable wife, who will fulfill her purpose to be a blessing and an assistant to her husband, in the mission God gave to him, with grace and anointing by God. Let me tell you something: there is grace in being a wife! You are not alone in this task! God is with you, helping and teaching you on how to be a helper to your husband in all areas of your marriage. You do not need to be afraid! God is with you! He is the one who created the role of the wife; therefore, He is the one who is going to inspire us to fulfill this task gracefully. You just need to have an open heart, being open to this position of being submissive, to respect your husband’s decisions and to be willing to be by his side.
You have to be open to the idea of being submissive. Some women, due to a misconception of what marriage and submission truly are, end up living a miserable marriage, because they cannot yield to the idea of being submissive. However, submission does not mean blind obedience; it is not a synonym of inferiority. It is a position of respect, love and, most of all, comfort and safety. Respect because a relationship is based on respect. Both sides must respect each other and be considerate to one another. A wife needs to respect her husband’s decisions and point of view; the same way, the husband must respect the wife’s needs and be ready to provide for the family. In 1 Peter 3:7, the Bible says: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers”. In a godly marriage, both man and woman are children of God; therefore, they must treat each other as such.
As the leader of the family, the husband is in a position of more responsibility. The same way that Christ loves His church to the point that He died for us, husbands must treat wives with dignity and love. The Bible is also very clear about the way husbands should treat their wives: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body” (Ephesians 5:25-30).
Note that, in those verses, the Bible admonishes husbands to love their wives “as their own bodies” – this relates to the idea that, after marriage, both man and woman become one united body, one flesh. It is impossible for a marriage to be successful if one part neglects the other. The same way, wives cannot view marriage as an arena in which they are going to compete with their husbands to see whose voice is the strongest or the loudest. Marriage is partnership and complicity.
In relation to comfort and safety, to be submissive is to be under the leadership of someone; therefore, being released from the obligation of having to make great and complicated decisions. As a wife, myself, more and more I have been experiencing the blessing of being under the leadership of a godly husband. I am so thankful to God about having a husband to help me while facing the challenges of adaptation in a new country.
More and more I am understanding the concept of safety under submission. I can rely on my husband; I can count on him and rest on the fact that God is guiding him to lead our family, to discern the seasons and the directions for us. My job, as a wife, is to pray for wisdom and for spiritual understanding for my husband to discern God’s directions for us.
Marriage is like a moving car: you are seated on the passenger’s seat. You can help the driver to stay awake. You can help him to focus on the driveway. You can even help him with the directions of where to go. However, the important part of being a passenger is that you are not the one driving the car. You can fall asleep while someone else is driving. Notice that I am not saying that the person on the passenger’s seat can be reckless; there is still an order to be followed in order to not disturb or to distract the driver; however, the point is that the heavy responsibility of driving the car is not upon your shoulders.
I hope this article helped you to understand more about the biblical concept of submission. The Bible says that the Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Therefore, submission is not by force, but it is a principle established by God, rooted upon respect and love. I hope you have a successful marriage, but, first, you need to let your heart open to be taught by God about being submissive. And you need to be willing to obey His instructions.