The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” Genesis 2:18
There is nothing wrong in wanting to get married. We should desire to have someone to share our lives with; it is something natural! As we can see in the book of Genesis, God created Eve to be a suitable partner to Adam – the first man and woman that were created were also the first couple that ever existed.
Therefore, it is important to desire to get married. You can only start preparing yourself to be a good wife or husband if, first, you desire to get married; or else, what is the point of the preparation? Note: I am not talking about being anxious about marriage. There is a difference between anxiety and desire. God fulfills the deep desires of our hearts (“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4). That is the reason why we should always be honest to Him about what we desire – that is part of having a relationship with Him. However, anxiety means worry. If you are too anxious about something you desire, it means that you are worrying if you are going to receive it. In the end, the problem is not desiring something, but being too anxious about getting it.
Therefore, you do not need to get anxious about getting married or finding the right person. On the contrary, because you desire, you prepare yourself for that moment. While you are still single, you get yourself ready to be a good wife, a suitable partner. What does it mean?
Marriage is not man and woman living in the same house together, sharing expenses while living their independent lives. A relationship is commitment and partnership. It is two people sharing a life mission. The Bible says that, when a man and a woman decide to get married, “the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mark 10:8). You should pursue a marriage having this principle in mind.
After getting married, the plans for your life are not just for you, but for you to live with your spouse. You both will share a mission together; therefore, you both have to agree in relation to the direction of your lives. Besides, if you value too much your freedom of coming and going whenever you want and if you enjoy too much your freedom to do things on your own, maybe you should reconsider if you are ready.
For sure, you should enjoy this kind of freedom while single, but you also have to consider that this freedom belongs to this specific season of life. When you are married, you have someone to whom you have to be accountable. Obviously, I am not saying that you must do everything together! You will have your own individualities, and that is healthy in a relationship. However, you cannot make decisions without considering the other part involved.
Also, even though you both have your own hobbies, if you are the type of person that really enjoys doing “your things” alone, maybe you should meditate on the true meaning of marriage. In a marriage, you have to be willing to share your time and to make concessions; sometimes, you will have to partake in his hobbies. Most of the time, you will have to share your time with him. And that is good! That is marriage! That is a long life commitment that you made.
Both of you are going to make concessions throughout the process; the same advice works for him too, because, in marriage, you two take care of each other. Your goal is to see his growth and well being and vice versa. That is the true meaning of marriage. You are a team; you are not just two people sharing expenses. If that is the case, with all due respect, I suggest you find a roommate; that is a much simpler option and it will spare you from a lot of misunderstandings in the future.
Obviously, making concessions is not always easy! Sometimes, when you are tired from a stressful day at work, you just want to get home and relax; instead, you may find yourself cooking dinner, listening to his day and opinions and maybe doing some kind of household chores. Maybe, you are already feeling tired. However, let me assure you this: it is a blessing to have someone with whom you can laugh, fulfill God’s missions and share your opinions, dreams, frustrations and mind. It is amazing to see your partner’s growth, and it is even better to be able to contribute to his development.
The best kind of relationship is the one where there is space for talking. It means a space in which partners can open up without fear or boundaries. If there is anything that is bothering you or if there is any area you want you both to improve or if you just want to express yourself, you should have this freedom with your partner – and you should allow him to have the same. A healthy relationship is where both sides have space to listen and to be listened to. Marriage should be the most intimate relationship you have and that openness is important and necessary.
If you are pursuing marriage, it is necessary to have in mind that marriage is not just “finding the right person to spend life with”. You have to be willing to take care of this relationship, in order for it to grow strong and healthy. Relationship is a road in which both parties have to be willing to navigate. I will be honest with you: marriage is amazing, but you have to take responsibility. Some people want to be married, while maintaining old habits and the life they used to have when they were single. This is not right! In order to enjoy marriage, you also have a part to play and there is nothing wrong with that!